I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
