I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
