2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
