Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was confusing and full of hummus
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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