I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
