dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
