I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
