Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
