I didn't shave. On purpose
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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