Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
