Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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