I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
