If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
