You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
