Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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