I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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