I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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