I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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