I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
FUCK WHALES
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