I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I puked a lego.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
