if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
