How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
