im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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