She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
