I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
