Got a toothbrush?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
