Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
