I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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