Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
