I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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