Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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