would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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