everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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