I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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