I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
