You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
