Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
