I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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