you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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