I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
