I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
nutella sex= disaster
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
