i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
