she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
