I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
