i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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