i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
