im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
im on a boat
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