If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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