FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
