i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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