are you still at the devil's house?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
