I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
