i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
smell my finger.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
