I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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