I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
